Adjustment Issues

One of the things that I have been dealing with a lot is the transition from a student that is completely independent to living at home again and having to deal with the younger siblings. I am the oldest of 3 for those that did not know, and while I get along with my siblings there are often conflicts that arise with my 16 year-old sister. It is easy to look at the issues that arise and completely blame them on her, and while she is not without her share of the blame, I am realizing that a lot of the issue comes from me not wanting to give up the things I am used to despite the changing dynamics of our family. This, unfortunately, rears it's head in the most minute places.

For example, now that she is driving and has her own car, even though it is not yet drivable until she gets insurance, it is hard for me to give up my parking spot in the driveway. In my mind, no one wants their car parked in the street for fear that it will get hit, and I find that I am no exception. However, after weeks of arguing with my sister, I came to a realization that it is not right of me to ask for the parking spot when I spend the majority of my time away from home as it is.

If I were coming home to stay for an extended period of time, it would all be different, but with me leaving to start law school in a mere 10 weeks, short-term adjustments have to be made on both ends. While her favorite phrase to use when I am around is "yea, well you don't even live here," might sting, it doesn't do any good to snap back with a comment that will ultimately get me nowhere.

The truth of the matter is that I will be going to Iowa in a few short weeks, and then we can go back to not speaking unless I am home for break. In a year, she will be getting ready to leave for college as well, and I hope that at that time we can start to develop more of that sisterly bond that is not based on competition and angst, but instead on genuine want to talk and be around each other. Everyone says that it will come one day, but I think that it has started to edge the process along. As long as I am not in possession of something that I paid for, but my sister wants, I think we are making process.

The ultimate point of this post is to tell graduating and graduated students that have to live at home until the next phase of their life that there are bound to be conflicts that arise between you and the other members of your family. It is easy to take the defensive and maintain that the problem is not with you, but just as you have changed in the time you have been gone, your family members have changed as well.

Have you had something similar to this happen? If so, how did you deal with it?